What the future holds

A few years ago I decided that I was fed up with dating. I didn't want just another DATE.Just sitting back being the perfect little lady my parents raised me to be waiting for prince[princess] charming to come along and sweep me off my feet. Well there have been very few princesses,but lots of of frogs and having kissed them none turned into a princess. With the leaves falling in the fall of 2007 brought with it a decision to shake things up and be proactive in getting the girl I want. Someone who was more than just on the same page ,but who was writing her own pages in the book of life.

I've watched allot of relationships come and go. Straight /gay. The ones that followed all the rules of courtship. They dated for a few years then were engaged for a year and a half,you know...... long enough to plan the wedding and of course it was big. Bigger than her friends,because it had to be....you know so it wouldn't last.lol Pals from my youth who dated all the way through junior high,high school,college,law school to have a huge wedding and kid to boot then get divorced after 2 years of unwedded bliss. Or the couple I considered to have the perfect relationship. They were together for 12 years and then he cheated and moved 3 states over to be with his mistress. Devastated my sweet,beautiful,kind hearted friend cause she had no clue. She retreated to a monastery for 5 months and to those of us on the outside concerned and fearing the worse, seemed like forever. She's sworn off relationships,dating. Her time is spent running her insurance company and traveling to far points of the earth with her also single girlfriends.

That one made me think and reassess what is a perfect relaionship.Or is there a perfect relationship. From my vantage point there are no perfect steps to take to assure that she and I will be another Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin.


"Legendary activist Del Martin passed away yesterday morning. Phyllis Lyon, her partner of 55 years and wife of two months, was with her. Martin was 87 years old.Gavin Newsom ordered the flags at San Francisco City Hall and the rainbow flags on Market Street to be flown at half mast until Thursday's sunset.Martin, along with Lyon, dedicated her entire life to fighting homophobia and working for civil rights for the LGBT community. In 1955, the pair founded the Daughters of Bilitis, the first social and political organization for lesbians in the United States. Together, they edited the first nationally distributed lesbian newsletter, The Ladder. Martin was also the first out lesbian on the board of the National Organization of Women (NOW). In 1971, she convinced NOW to state that lesbian issues were feminist issues.

In a statement issued by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lyon said, "Ever since I met Del 55 years ago, I could never imagine a day would come when she wouldn't be by my side. I am so lucky to have known her, loved her and been her partner in all things. I also never imagined there would be a day that we would actually be able to get married. I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed."

I don't think even Del and Phyllis knew all the answers. Courtship for me won't follow the rules any more I decided last year. There won't be a 12 step program on when to start ,stop or move on to the next clue:) I like to read poetry and other works of certain artist. Over the years I've learned that some are truly blessed with the ability to minister to the soul in ways I'm not sure even they are aware of. One of those artist,poetess wrote something that spoke to me about relationships with women. The implied and spoken promises we make to each other not having a crystal ball to know whether we'll actually get the happiness us gay folks want just as much as the hets. Staceyann Chin said

"...laughter is the staple of our romance. And a close second is good sex. We both know that nothing is promised, but we promise each other the world anyway. We are willing to risk being wrong on forever.""

The romantic in me believes it takes a special kind of courage to be a luvah. To stick your oh so bruised ego out there one more time to roll the dice that SHE is the one. Hoping your faith will bear fruit of your good intentions.

"for always/I used to be a believer in for always I'm just happy for the now only this moment is ours/all else is gratitude"...............

Simple thoughts,simple words, for the mature reality of a worn out spirit. I propose to you....

whisper me something bold

say the thing you have not said



grow old with me

cynic and sorrows



horrors and nights sweating sea water lapping threatening overhead



stay here with me

against the odds



attempt with me

the thing we already know so well



may fail