When your child doesn't make the grade

Nanny Hilda called me today. She wanted to how I was doing and how I liked my new apartment. I told her it was great, pre-war so it's huge with a elevator,but that I had a really bad cold and didn't seem to be able to shake it.She quickly rattled off a few things I should do to feel better.

She said Otis had a mild cold too as do all the other kids. She has been turning down playdates,because she doesn't want it to keep being passed around. I asked how classes were going for little Otis and she said he was doing well. The classes she clarified are to teach him to share,follow instructions,listen, and respect his teachers. She laughed and said he still doesn't understand that not all kids want to wrestled,especially his girlfriend Ava.

Ah...Ava. The name Otis constantly repeats that makes even his parents wonder who this Ava is.Well Otis has a crush on her, the only thing is Otis hasn't learned how to show his affection for Ava in a positive way,so he shows in a negative way which frightens her. So when he sees her he starts calling her name runs toward her and grabs a hold to force her to notice him and tries to wrestle with her.Anna screams when he gives her a bear hug an won't let go.lol He even pinches or grabs her jacket and pulls her forcefully into his face. So they are working on a gentler form of courtship teehee. I suggested maybe a dating class for Otis to teach him that girls like to be told how nice they look and that the perfume their wearing smells fabulous. Hilda laughed and said all that talking will have to wait until he gets pass one word for everything. lol Otis isn't much in the language department yet:)

When I first heard of these classes I chuckled just like some of you,(read previous blog) But recently I read of a 3 year old who has had one on one attention and free play all his life NOT doing well in preschool. Seems the transition....well..ah, no transition is taking it's toll.

Now I think Otis' folks might be on to something. Going from a nanny full time who meets your every need and is super flexible to a structured academic atmosphere with set play times and 9 other kids is hard.

The question it raises to me is whose fault is it when your child isn't prepared for preschool or kindergarten? IME in the lower grades of elementary schools the parents always blame the school/teacher and never own their own shit. Do you pull lil Maybelle out thus starting a pattern of "if I act out enough momma will not make me do it" or do you leave her in and dedicate yourself to putting the work in to help your child catch up? Or look for a school that's a better fit *cough* kisses your kids ass *cough* sending the message to him/her that the world really does revolve around them and if they aren't happy no body will be.

What do you think?

Trick or Treat

Last night i met a friend Debbie and her partner to go Trick or Treating with their kids in a local neighborhood. It was great ,not like when i was a kid but different. We went to the local businesses first who had the worst candy by far even the orange bagels i wasn't impressed with and neither were the kids.

I met Debbie at a workshop for lesbians contemplating pregnancy. She's a lesbian whose a midwife, gay married to her partner of 16 years with 2 kids. She introduced me to a profession I had always though you only contacted right before you delivered. Midwifery.I was surprised to find out Midwifes can provide most of the prenatal care that OBs do.She herself works with a group of OB's so she even has access to equip and testing if needed.

She offered to answer any questions I had after the workshop and as the weeks went by I had plenty. We run into each other occasionally and I thought of her as an acquaintance mostly. Then one sunday she was walking by a coffee shop I had grabbed a bite to eat and hot tea at. I called out to her not sure it was her. She stopped and we chatted about 30 mins and she invited me to the Rosh Hashonna after service ceremony at her synagogue.

I accepted and was enriched by the traditions of their new year. The rabbi spoke hebrew and english. The participants grew as we walked to the river to cast our sins( acorns,twigs,stones) upon the waters. They chants were of moving traditional songs in hebrew. It all was very uplifting,calming and inclusive. Debbie and I afterwards walked and talked about the Jewish churches beliefs and how she as a lesbian raising a family incorporated it all. I shared with her my christian beliefs and how I can embrace that as a lesbian intending to raise my children with some sense of spiritual foundation. It was here that she became a real friend.No longer an acquaintance.

Trick and some Treats

As we struggled to walk down the crowded sidewalks of this busy Brooklyn night memories of when I was a kid Trick or Treating in neighborhoods with streets lined with sweet gooey treats came flooding back. Wait! I noticed none of the kids were saying Trick or Treat to get some candy. They weren't using the magic words of my youth that got you extra.

"Trick or Treat ,smell my feet,give me something good to eat" echoed through the streets when I roamed the dark streets of ghost and goblins of my neighbors.These where songs to loosen those candy givers up. What did they do to Halloween? Sounds like an episode for Charlie Brown and the GREAT PUMPKIN. This is the first year i missed watching that on teevee. Certain shows just go along with my memories of celebrating like "It's a Wonderful Life" at Christmas.

Debbie's partner and I filled the spaces in time of doorways with lights off (no candy) talking about our pet peeves. She had some good ones.People who rush to get on the train before you get off.People pushing a stroller who run into someone they know on the sidewalk and stop right in the middle of the sidewalk blocking the whole thing. And last but major in our books....people who don't curb their dog.UGH!!!!! How do you know this? Guess....

Some Brownstoners go all out. There was a haunted house ridged up in the basement of one place with scary enough creatures adults came out shaken.lol then the light show of a glow in the dark puppet that sings to a operatic number playing in the background. It was creative and took 3 people dressed in black to pull it off.Nice!

Then later a short walk away a parade that was...ah...um short,but something extra:)I think some adults thought it was Mardi Gras instead with all the skin showing.lol However, it was nice to see some adults with elaborate family friendly costumes that showed their own child like Halloween spirit.

The night came to a close early imo for this childless adult. Debbie had to feed the kids and pick up the pizza first so we went our separate ways. Me off into the Brooklyn night to find my own adult halloween celebration that was just kicking off at 9pm.

What do you remember from your childhood. Trick or Treat? Favorite and least favorite goodies?

Commenting problem has been resolved

I hope.

Mother stereotypes

For years the lesbian community has been dogged by stereotypes of what a dyke looks like. Some of us ,including myself, have gone unnoticed and in some instances ridiculed because we don't LOOK gay enough. How do the clothes I wear and the cut of my hair have anything to do with my love for women?

Now I'm reading a blog A Real Mom Attends the Motherhood Movie Premier that says that moms have a certain "look" too. They don't color or highlight their hair,nor do they wear the latest chic hair style or high heel shoes like actress/mom Uma Thurman. Who'd a thunk it?

Instead they wear sensible shoes *yawn*,soap instead of labia titillating perfume. Their clothes supposedly isn't tailored to fit their firm but robust breast or show off the curves of their perfectly round but understated ass. Her hair cut doesn't show that strong prominent jaw line or those oh so sexy eyes accented by just the right shades of eye shadow,eyeliner and mascara. Nor do her lushes full lips glisten with the moist application of lipstick or lip gloss.No she has never use Lady Clairol to accentuate the brilliant bold colors of auburn that has been littered by premature greying. No it appears real moms are drab,boring,limp haired women who breastfeed,change diapers,cook dinner and clean up puke all day.And there clothes reflect this.

I think I can see myself running speedily home to the latter rather than the tattered remains of the former.

In Amy Sohns novel Prospect Park West which takes place in a part of Brooklyn i loosely call my hood. Amy has ruffled some feathers amongst the local moms as she pokes fun at several Park Slope Stereotypes. Recently, in an interview with Park Slope Reader,which i just happen to pick up right after reading Lo.ui.se Sl.oa.ns blog, Sohn says that it's the most publicly annoying moms that we see[ I'll add with the bad ass kids].The granola/attachment,baby-wearing,co-op shopping and having lots of babies less than two years apart,being all about the children.... In reality,Park Slope mothers are more diverse than that she says. She does think though that Park Slope Mothers don't take care of themselves aesthetically as well as they should but thinks that is simply for no other reason than lack of time and when she says it,it sounds less like a judgement than an observation. Again,like Shakespeare's Fool, she talks about "The Bra Problem" we have in Park Slope and that we should spend the time and the money to get properly fitted.

And here i was thinking that the dishevel haggard moms i see in The Slope look that way because after making that high ass Park Slope rent every month these moms don't have enough left in the family budget to buy new well fitted clothes.

Perhaps Lo.ui.se Sl.oa.n has let her hood influence her perception of what moms should look like too much.Maybe she should cut the makers of Motherhood some slack as they don't live in the Slope and have a different idea of what mothers look like. Then maybe she would get more out of the 113.00 dollars she paid for a much needed time away from the kid.

And maybe then she would realize that some of us think it's important to keep our selves up to keep our lady friend/partner/wifey interested. Cuz maybe just maybe we won't then fall into yet another lesbian stereotype of the serial monogamist.Ugh!

Jus keeping real luvs!

Toddlers interviewing for preschool?

About 2 months ago i started up a conversation one day with a nanny from one of the local neighborhoods. Her name is Hilda and she's from Trinidad. She has a wonderful sense of humor and wise in the skill of raising babies. Knowledge she got hands on after 22 years of taking care of children in NYC. She reminds me of my grandmother so our conversations are reminiscent of the days when i chatted with my grandmother on her front porch as she tried to pass on her wisdom from just living life.

So in the next coming days i would make it a point to pass by the spots i knew i would run into Hilda and her other nanny pals.Over the weeks i got to know all the kids by name and them me.I enjoy playing with them and seeing what makes each one tick. While evenings clicked away i also spent my well calculated time asking question after question about newborns and toddler raising.How did they handle certain situations and what did they do for ailments like colic.

Eventually all the nannies gave me their cel phone numbers so i could call and locate them any time i felt up for some raising kids talk. You see it's not just about makin'em and bakin'em it's about raisin'em too and simply squeezing one out of your vagina doesn't automatically anoite you with the wisdom to properly raise a kid without fucking him or her up.

Over the past 2 weeks the nannies have been no where to be found. Not in the meadow,the local playground or coffee house,so i called Hilda this am to see what's up with everyone. She of course asked how i was doing and had i located a rent stabilized apt yet to save some money. I told her that i missed seeing her and the nannies and the kids and wanted to find out had they moved to a different location .She said, no and that all the kids (2.5 yrs old)were in class now. I said "class?....for what?".

She went on to tell me that all the kids in our little bunch started art ,music ,science,reading and yoga classes last week. She said that her boy Otis was preparing to be interviewed for a spot in Ploy Prep in December. His mother went there and she wants him to go there too. All the kids are being prepared for such interviews and will continue with classes until march of next year. "Oh", i said and asked her what exactly do the kids get from these classes that is needed to give a excellent interview. Hilda said she didn't know,so i asked if one day i could tag along with her or the other nannies to see what knowledge is being gleaned in these classes that makes little johnny the perfect candidate for a fancy preschool.

Psst...I hate to tell Otis this but his getting into Poly Prep isn't going to be about him giving a good interview. It'll be because his mom is and alumni and his folks can right that big ass check to pay his tuition to go.That's what makes the perfect interviewee:)

In the meantime i guess i better find out whose ass i need to kiss to get my little Willamina and Jethro in Poly Prep. Or maybe they have a special grant *wink* *wink* for those of us whose mom or baba aren't alumni and can boost the minority quota a bit on all counts. Is anybody remembering the Bette and Tina episode of trying to get Angelica in the hottest preschool.lol

*I forgot someone. Mike and his son larry. Mike tends bar at night so he takes care of his son during the day while his wife was at work. He too hung out with our gang as his son is the same age as the others. I wonder what Mike is doing with his son since all of his playmates are being groomed to be over achievers? I hope i run into him to get an answer to that question. I don't want to assume he and his wife can't afford the classes the others are taking or private preschool,but i wonder.

What does the future hold.........

Callie over at Creating motherhood challenged her readers to see what Saturn has in store for each of us.Now let's see if this stuff is true......I'll know at the end of the month.

Dates to Note for Virgo:

Friends, fun, and events to attend should be plentiful October 1-15.

Best romantic evenings: October 5-6, 9 (gold star), 10, 14, 16, 20, 23-24, and 28-29.

Attend to a financial matter: October 4, plus or minus four days. [check!]

Ask for a raise just after the new moon October 18, but prior to Saturn's arrival in your house of earned income October 29.

A home-or-family-related matter should do well October 9 and 10. [check!]

An outstanding day for you: October 20, for any matter. It's lucky. [where?]

When Mars moves through Leo from October 16 to June 7, 2010, you may closet yourself away to concentrate on a project that needs a great deal of concentration, research, and quiet. You may write a book, for example, or get ready for a big exam. [really?]

You may have a great deal of interaction with medical or dental personnel during the same period, October 16, 2009 to June 7, 2010. This may be for you to tune up physically or mentally, or for a family member or friend whom you will be helping. [ must have been for someone else lol]

Your health should improve enormously after Saturn leaves Virgo on October 29. Your outlook and spirit should improve, too.

Peppermint schnaps

That's what i thought of when i saw that Z&Z over at ttp://zeebahzazieandthezoo.blogspot.com/ twin babies girls all decked out in hot pick and white.

Congratulations ladies!