NEW YORK STATE ASSEMBLY APPROVES GAY MARRIAGE!

A vote of 89 (including 5 Republicans!) to 52 has passed in the New York State Assembly in favor of gay marriage! The vote now goes to the Senate. Contact your senators, keep your fingers crossed and New York might become the sixth state to approve gay marriage!

Build it and they will come or MAYBE NOT!

I awoke in the middle of the night last night with building a village on my mind. Last year when I mentioned my apprehension about becoming a single mom and online a lesbian acquaintance out in Seattle said to me "build your village child". I thought it best to heed her advice and as soon as I moved to NYC I put it in to action.

I was invited to join a group of lesbian couples I'd met on a online baby listserv. They met once a month in the Village and I was excited that this could be the beginnings of building that Village as the women in Seattle suggested. I showed up faithfully and always looked forward to spending time with gay women who knew what it was like to urn motherhood and finding a one true love. In between meetings I tried to arrange meet ups over coffee,tea a quick lunch. No one took me up on that offer any of the times I put myself out there in friendship.5 months later they kicked me to the curb. I wasn't progressing fast enough in putting my ducks in a row BEFORE inseminating.


Then there were the meet up groups on meetup.com. Social groups and dating groups designed to get lesbians together on one accord with the same interest in mind. The women were great .Smart ,articulate,professional. They leader of the groups would suggest swapping phone numbers so members could do things together outside of what was planned for the entire group.Again I was diligent in staying contact by email and phone. They'd want to go to Jersey or Manhattan all the time.Spending godly amounts of money like single "I'm not playing on getting pregnant" women in NYC do. Movies no one ever heard of and dinners out to vegan eateries simply because the organizer felt we all should give up meat. lol



Then there were the dating organizers like Deeperdating.com and lavenderlounge.com. Sort of the speed dating version ,but with more throughout questions that revolved more cultural interest. I never hit it off with anyone,but I was open to friendships and at 25 to 35 bucks a pop I should have at least gotten a buddy out of it.



The LGBT center..ahhh..the place were all the gays hang out. I scoured the events calender every month and wrote down the things I wanted to go to and participate in. The room was silent with very little interact from others there. A question here and comment there and at 8:00 it was over and everyone went back to their respective boroughs. Meeting after meeting. Support group after support group the same thing Nothing along contact OUTSIDE the meetings never materialized.



Then I was invite to single QUEER moms by choice.. Hurrah! Gay women who are and want to be moms. We met we ate. The following Saturday there was a break in the weather. It was sunny, temps were warm and I couldn't dream of letting that day pass without soaking up some sunshine and fresh outdoor air. I emailed all the mommies from the dinner and suggested they bring their kids out to frolick in the local park, snack on packed treats and get a little muddy for kids sake.No response! Nothing. Except from one mom Monday morning who apologized that she was out of town ,but it sounded like it would have been blast.

I've been reading alot of books on the subject of being single mom.Reluctantly,but curious enough to try all windows and doors to what my next move should be. And each and everyone reinforces BUILDING A NETWORK OF SUPPORT. I understand and have tried as anyone can see up above. Morrissette even lived in NYC for 12 years when she became a single mom. However, I must say that the NYC she experienced and the standoffish,distant one I am experiencing are two different cities all together.

Still others would say turn to the church. The church can be your support or village to help you raise a child. I'll tell you about my resent experience with the CHURCH. I responded to an ad selling used furniture[gotta keep overhead down to save for IVF]. Upon responding to the ad I noticed it was the same woman I bought an air mattress from in the fall. She joked about needing money for diapers. I made arrangements to see the furniture and showed up on time to be welcomed into a studio apt that was a mess and her 2 yr old son walking around with no diaper on. To make a long story short I left an hour later really concerned about whether was enough food or diapers for the kid. I asked for advice from someone who suggested call child protective services. That was too much for me afterall I just wanted her to get help if she needed it not loose her kid, because she fell on hard times.Plus, karma's a bitch and I wouldn't want that done to me.

The next day I decided to go to the local church next door to her building[ in an afluent brooklyn neighborhood] and ask them to look in on her and call me with a update. This was the Thursday before Easter. That following Wednesday I stopped back by the church on my way to the train. The head of the women's group who I spoke to recognized me and and offered a weak ass explanation as to why she hadn't called me or gone over to check on the women and her son. She said "they were looking into the best way to go about it" patted me on the shoulder and escorted me to the door.They were about to close. So to some it up in layman's terms...don't expect the church to support you in any way unless you've already paid for it ahead of time in your tithe and offering.Otherwise they don't give a shit!

Lastly,I joined SingleMoms by Choice,the national organization.Mostly, because I felt I should have been able to offer that single mom something or somewhere to find resources for herself. For sure she would not have had the membership fee to join herself,so I did. I'm not sure what I'll get out of it.Perhaps I can warm up slowly to the idea of doing this alone without the fear kicking in all the time and my stomach doing flip flops resulting in massive nausea . I'll put forth the effort to make friends in my division....The thinkers.And leave the more accomplished who are moms alone. I get the distinct feeling they're not all that gongho on us single types with no kids hanging around theirs. Seems the price of admission in this whole I want to be a mom thing is an embryo at any stage other than non-existent. Otherwise it's .."get lost you looser".

I don't know. It just seems that I don't fit in anywhere. The single lesbian for lifer's don't want you around talking about commitment, mortgages and babies. The couples are afraid their partner will accidentally stumble and fall on top of you thus breaking up their happy home. The couples with kids just don't know how to relate to you at all.And the single moms with kids think maybe your an uncover pedophile looking for your next victum. All in all your still on the outside always looking in. At a distance that is.

Building it isn't as easy for some.

Support for Pay......Nanny's are plentiful here. Lots of single moms , married moms use them,but lets say you a single mom and need one more than the hours your at work. Morressette emphasises "me' time so mommie doesn't ring little johnnies neck. That means a nanny after 5 pm [time and a half]and sometimes on the weekends too. Overall it's going to cost a mint to purchase a support system until your kid(s) as a single mom start school. It's either just go crazy or go broke.Hold on !I think I'm getting nauseous again.

Oh wait! What happened to the lesbian community? With community being the operative word.

Vermont Recognizes Gay Marriage!!!!

The state Senate voted 23-5 and the House of Representatives voted 100-49 to override Gov. Jim Douglas’s veto, making Vermont the first state to recognize marriage for committed lesbian and gay couples through the legislative process. The Vermont legislation goes into effect September 1.

“This historic vote in the Vermont legislature reminds us of the incredible progress being made toward equality. Less than five years ago, lesbian and gay couples began marrying in Massachusetts. Now, with the Iowa court decision last Friday and today’s vote in Vermont, there will be four states recognizing the right to marry for loving, committed lesbian and gay couples,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “We congratulate Senate President Pro Tem Peter Shumlin, Speaker of the House Shap Smith, the other legislators who voted for marriage, the Vermont Freedom to Marry Task Force, and MassEquality for ensuring that all couples will now enjoy the freedom to marry in Vermont. This is a law that will strengthen families and give meaning to the promise of equal rights for all.”

The Human Rights Campaign mobilized its members in Vermont to support this legislation. National Field Director Marty Rouse, a former Vermont resident, was in Vermont since Monday working with legislators and activists to build support for the override votes.

Vermont becomes the first state to recognize marriage equality for lesbian and gay couples through legislation. California’s legislature has twice passed similar legislation that was vetoed and not enacted into law. Vermont is the fourth state, after Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Iowa, to extend marriage equality to committed lesbian and gay couples. Iowa’s state supreme court unanimously ruled on April 3, 2009 that the state constitution guarantees lesbian and gay couples the equal right to marry.

New York recognizes marriages by lesbian and gay couples legally entered into in another jurisdiction. California recognized marriage by lesbian and gay couples between June and November of 2008, before voters approved Proposition 8, which purports to amend the state constitution to prohibit marriage equality. The Proposition 8 vote has been challenged in court; a decision by the state supreme court is expected by June.

Lesbian and gay couples do not receive federal rights and responsibilities in any state. To learn more about state by state legislation, visit: www.hrc.org/state_laws.

NYC TO RECOGNIZE LESBIAN PARENTS

http://www.365gay.com/news/nyc-to-recognize-lesbian-parents/

(New York City) Legally married lesbian couples will now have both names on the birth certificates of their children.

The city Board of Health voted Tuesday to make the change.
Last May Gov. Paterson issued an executive order recognizing the marriages of New York gay and lesbian couples who had gone outside the state to wed. The order directed state agencies to revise their policies.
The issuing of birth certificates is up to individual counties. It is believed the decision in New York City is the first of its kind in the state.
The Board of Health decision, however, does not affect male couples where one partner has adopted a child or where one partner already is a parent. In those cases, the other partner must go through the adoptive process.
Same-sex marriage is illegal in New York State.
In 2006, the New York Court of Appeals, the state’s highest court, ruled that same-sex couples do not have a constitutional right to marry. It said that the issue, however, could be taken up by the legislature.
Legislation that would allow same-sex couples to marry in New York State passed the Assembly in 2007 but the then-GOP controlled Senate refused to take up the bill.
The measure is expected to be reintroduced in the Assembly this year.
Gov. David Paterson (D) has said if a marriage equality bill came to his desk he would sign it.
The bill, however, is unlikely to be advanced in the Senate. State Senate Majority Leader Malcolm A. Smith (D) has said he does not have the votes.

Why I'm never getting older

I'm never going to get any older than I was on 911. My birthday just happens to be Sept 13th and every since the twin towers it comes and goes unnoticed and uncelebrated.As a matter of fact it's hard for me to even get excited about it with all the doom and gloom always in the air as the 13th approaches and passes.So as far as I am concerned time has stopped dead in it's tracks.

And is it really a sincere "Happy Birthday" if you have to remind people.Geez..... My BFF is the only one who remembers and always sends a card with her thoughts written it. To damn bad she's straight and married, because she would be the ideal match for me.

Damn you George Dubya!

What the future holds

A few years ago I decided that I was fed up with dating. I didn't want just another DATE.Just sitting back being the perfect little lady my parents raised me to be waiting for prince[princess] charming to come along and sweep me off my feet. Well there have been very few princesses,but lots of of frogs and having kissed them none turned into a princess. With the leaves falling in the fall of 2007 brought with it a decision to shake things up and be proactive in getting the girl I want. Someone who was more than just on the same page ,but who was writing her own pages in the book of life.

I've watched allot of relationships come and go. Straight /gay. The ones that followed all the rules of courtship. They dated for a few years then were engaged for a year and a half,you know...... long enough to plan the wedding and of course it was big. Bigger than her friends,because it had to be....you know so it wouldn't last.lol Pals from my youth who dated all the way through junior high,high school,college,law school to have a huge wedding and kid to boot then get divorced after 2 years of unwedded bliss. Or the couple I considered to have the perfect relationship. They were together for 12 years and then he cheated and moved 3 states over to be with his mistress. Devastated my sweet,beautiful,kind hearted friend cause she had no clue. She retreated to a monastery for 5 months and to those of us on the outside concerned and fearing the worse, seemed like forever. She's sworn off relationships,dating. Her time is spent running her insurance company and traveling to far points of the earth with her also single girlfriends.

That one made me think and reassess what is a perfect relaionship.Or is there a perfect relationship. From my vantage point there are no perfect steps to take to assure that she and I will be another Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin.


"Legendary activist Del Martin passed away yesterday morning. Phyllis Lyon, her partner of 55 years and wife of two months, was with her. Martin was 87 years old.Gavin Newsom ordered the flags at San Francisco City Hall and the rainbow flags on Market Street to be flown at half mast until Thursday's sunset.Martin, along with Lyon, dedicated her entire life to fighting homophobia and working for civil rights for the LGBT community. In 1955, the pair founded the Daughters of Bilitis, the first social and political organization for lesbians in the United States. Together, they edited the first nationally distributed lesbian newsletter, The Ladder. Martin was also the first out lesbian on the board of the National Organization of Women (NOW). In 1971, she convinced NOW to state that lesbian issues were feminist issues.

In a statement issued by the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lyon said, "Ever since I met Del 55 years ago, I could never imagine a day would come when she wouldn't be by my side. I am so lucky to have known her, loved her and been her partner in all things. I also never imagined there would be a day that we would actually be able to get married. I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed."

I don't think even Del and Phyllis knew all the answers. Courtship for me won't follow the rules any more I decided last year. There won't be a 12 step program on when to start ,stop or move on to the next clue:) I like to read poetry and other works of certain artist. Over the years I've learned that some are truly blessed with the ability to minister to the soul in ways I'm not sure even they are aware of. One of those artist,poetess wrote something that spoke to me about relationships with women. The implied and spoken promises we make to each other not having a crystal ball to know whether we'll actually get the happiness us gay folks want just as much as the hets. Staceyann Chin said

"...laughter is the staple of our romance. And a close second is good sex. We both know that nothing is promised, but we promise each other the world anyway. We are willing to risk being wrong on forever.""

The romantic in me believes it takes a special kind of courage to be a luvah. To stick your oh so bruised ego out there one more time to roll the dice that SHE is the one. Hoping your faith will bear fruit of your good intentions.

"for always/I used to be a believer in for always I'm just happy for the now only this moment is ours/all else is gratitude"...............

Simple thoughts,simple words, for the mature reality of a worn out spirit. I propose to you....

whisper me something bold

say the thing you have not said



grow old with me

cynic and sorrows



horrors and nights sweating sea water lapping threatening overhead



stay here with me

against the odds



attempt with me

the thing we already know so well



may fail

My American Life

I didn't stay on schedule today,I woke up at 5:30am too early. pssft

I didn't call her even though my fingers wanted to

I didn't leave the apartment at all yesterday,got a lot done on the computer.

I didn't answer the phone when my mother called,yet again.

I didn't invest in Tampax tampons years ago,I should have I'd be rich

I didn't move to Milwaukee or Raleigh,but was offered an apartment in NYC .

I didn't sell everything I own,I gave some of it away.

I didn't say goodbye to all my hopes and dreams,I just said hello to a different way of looking at them.

I didn't leave for the summer or the winter but I attempted to pack for both.

I didn't accept her excuses for being an ass.

I didn't go to the grand canyon,but I made a to do list for an Olivia cruise on my deaktop where it's saved today.

I didn't want to go to dinner with her although I did and didn't.

I didn't stay mad at my BFF when she rattled off evey birth defect my child could have because the environment is polutted.

I didn't organize the stack of family photos I've collected which still sit in a brown paper bag
from FedExKinkos.

I didn't apologize when I should have.

I didn't jump out a window,but I did forgive you except for the few times later when I didn't.

I didn't go to a club saturday night,but I sat in the Village at a coffee house and made this list.

I didn't move back to the Georgia mountains to spend hours listening to my heart beat and be alone with myself.

I didn't call a woman who gave me her phone number even though I said I would. I can't find it.

I didn't clean the clean bathroom or clean kitchen although my OCD says I should.

I didn't try to get peoples numbers back when I switched cel phones and lost them.

I didn't answer truthfully when he asked if I was taking it easy.

I didn't reply to her text when she tried to make nice.

I didn't get anything accomplished today dammit!